Exciting Nursery Rhymes for Children

by Huge Umbrella

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    Artwork by Twigileia, design by General Mumble

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02:53
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02:47

credits

released July 26, 2014

All songs recorded, mixed, blah blah, by Huge Umbrella at the BBC Gaydiophonics

This time, Huge Umbrella is, in alphabetical order:
davhors!
DJ White Nigga Brown
General Mumble
Glaze
ipidev
JackTHerbert
Twigileia
Weeaboo Yiff Queen

Art by Twigileia
Typography by General Mumble

tags

license

Track Name: Nursery Rhymes
Nursery rhymes are the gateway for society
They will transform you into a well-rounded human being

No THC-toking here folks
No THC-toking EVER, FOLKS.

Do you know any rhymes...?
Track Name: I Wonder What You Are
Stars are balls of super hot gas,
If you go ahead and touch it it'll fry your ass,
Today I'm gonna teach ya and today you'll learn:
"If there's no oxygen in space how does the Sun burn?"

That's a good question Jimmy, but let me clarify,
That ain't no fuckin' diamond up in the fuckin' sky,
Stars create light through photon emission
Using nuclear fusion, don't confuse it with fission.

Hyrdrogen combines to make helium,
The core of a star's never at a happy medium,
The helium combines to make something heavy
Like a whale shredding metal (yeah that's heavy)

"But Sirius Sam, why are they so bright?",
That's cause they ejaculate a fuckton of light,
The hotter it is, the bluer it gets,
Hot like me - yeah, I get bitches wet.

The Sun is a star that's local to us,
But not close enough to reach on a bus,
Proxima Centuri is the next nearest star,
But at 4.20 light years, it's still pretty far.

NML Cygni is a really big star,
Don't make fun of its size, that's going too far!
Sirius is the very brightest star,
I'm Sirius, it really is the brightest star.

Alpha Centuri is actually binary,
This line requires some expert rhymery,
Betelguese, the juicy star,
It's not made of juice - I wonder what you are.

That's it, that is all the stars,
There are no more stars,
Goodbye.
Get out of my fucking classroom.
Track Name: Ode to Ice Cream
Ice cream, ice cream, chocolate sauce,
Helps me quell my first divorce.
Ice cream, ice cream, chocolate sauce,
Lest that I should touch a horse.

Down into my throat you slide,
Play my bagpipes to the sky.

Ice cream, ice cream, chocolate sauce,
I'm just gonna fuck a horse.
Track Name: Twelve Days of Easter
On the first day of Easter my true love gave to me,
A wife with a knobbly knee.

On the second day of Easter my true love gave to me,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the third day of Easter my true love gave to me,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the fourth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the fifth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the sixth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the seventh day of Easter my true love gave to me,
7 custard creams,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the eigth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
8, 8, 8,
7 custard creams,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the ninth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
NEIN, NEIN, NEIN,
8, 8, 8,
7 custard creams,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the tenth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
10 year olds,
NEIN, NEIN, NEIN,
8, 8, 8,
7 custard creams,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the eleventh day of Easter my true love gave to me,
11, 12, 13,
10 year olds,
NEIN, NEIN, NEIN,
8, 8, 8,
7 custard creams,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.

On the twelfth day of Easter my true love gave to me,
I'm 12 and what is this,
11, 12, 13,
10 year olds,
NEIN, NEIN, NEIN,
8, 8, 8,
7 custard creams,
6 broken feet,
5 prolapsed rings,
420 blaze it,
3 fine hoes,
Some sticky sex,
And a wife with a knobbly knee.
Track Name: Camptown Races Radio Programme
The Camptown ladies sing this song,
Doo-da, doo-da,
The Camptown racetrack's five miles long,
Oh, de doo-da day.

The long-tailed filly and the big black horse,
Doo-da, doo-da,
They fly the track and they both cut across,
Oh, de doo-da day.

Goin' to run all night,
Goin' to run all day,
I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag,
Somebody bet on the gray.
Track Name: egdirB nodnoL (feat. Deadcanons)
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
My fair lady.

Build it up with wood and clay,
Wood and clay, wood and clay,
Build it up with wood and clay,
My fair lady.

Wood and clay will wash away,
Wash away, wash away,
Wood and clay will wash away,
My fair lady.

Build it up with silver and gold,
Silver and gold, silver and gold,
Build it up with silver and gold,
My fair lady.

Silver and gold will be stolen away,
Stolen away, stolen away,
Silver and gold will be stolen away,
My fair lady.

Set a man to watch all night,
Watch all night, watch all night,
Set a man to watch all night,
My fair lady.

Suppose the man should fall asleep,
Fall asleep, fall asleep,
Suppose the man should fall asleep?
My fair lady.

Give him a pipe to smoke all night,
Smoke all night, smoke all night,
Give him a pipe to smoke all night,
My fair lady.
Track Name: No Papa
I have a sweet desire,
A plan I must conspire,
To get the jar which I should need,
I will get onto my hands and knees.

I will conceal a knife,
Take my father's life,
He can't tell me what to do,
Eating sugar till I poo.

Johnny Johnny!
Yes Papa?
Eating sugar?
No Papa!
Telling lies?
No Papa!
Open your mouth!
Ha, ha, ha!

Johnny Johnny!
Yes Papa?
Eating sugar?
No Papa!
Telling lies?
No Papa!
Open your mouth!
Ha, ha, ha!

It's all done now, my father is dead,
I've gone and killed his stupid head.
I shall not tell a lie,
I just made my dad die.

I can't help thinking that what I've done is wrong,
I could have just asked him all along.
Now he can't tell me what to do,
Got to go and take that poo.